Is not going to be me. I got the call just after 9:30 PM last night. They’re going with Laura Little. Needless to say, I’m a bit disappointed in the decision. I’m even a bit depressed about it. I’m not quite ready for the “Oh, God has something better for yous” quite yet. I’m not yet convinced of that in my heart. I’m more in the mood to hear, “Laura turned down the job.” Not that I have anything against Laura. She’s much more attuned to what has been happening with the program while I’ve been away and I’m sure she’s very qualified for the job. I’m sure a lot of prayer went into this process and I have to believe, if only in my rational mind, that God is behind this decision and is still sovereign. I’m not happy about it though and I wonder at that wasted month of application and interviews. What was that about? I now realize that I wanted this more than I’ve wanted anything in a while.
I guess I also feel hurt and rejected. Jerry White had some nice things to say about me and that is encouraging, but I struggle with the feeling that I came up short, that I’m not good enough. I know that’s not true either though.
I’m sure I’ll snap out of this in a day or so. The good news, I can start to stop planning my schedule around the potentiality of working full time for CYT and get on with other things that need my more focused attention. Maybe even writing.
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